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Facing rejection, particularly when it recurs often, is far from pleasant. An editor is turning you down, delivering a clear “Nope.” Working in writing, I am well acquainted with rejection. I began pitching articles half a century past, just after finishing university. Over the years, I have had multiple books turned down, along with article pitches and countless short stories. In the last two decades, specializing in personal essays, the denials have multiplied. On average, I face a rejection multiple times weekly—adding up to in excess of 100 each year. Cumulatively, denials in my profession exceed a thousand. At this point, I could claim a PhD in rejection.

However, is this a self-pitying tirade? Absolutely not. Because, finally, at seven decades plus three, I have accepted rejection.

In What Way Have I Managed It?

Some context: Now, almost every person and their relatives has said no. I haven’t tracked my win-lose ratio—that would be deeply dispiriting.

For example: lately, an editor turned down 20 pieces one after another before accepting one. Back in 2016, over 50 editors declined my memoir proposal before one accepted it. A few years later, 25 literary agents passed on a book pitch. A particular editor suggested that I send my work only once a month.

The Seven Stages of Setback

Starting out, every no stung. It felt like a personal affront. I believed my work being rejected, but myself.

Right after a manuscript was turned down, I would go through the process of setback:

• Initially, shock. What went wrong? How could editors be ignore my ability?
• Next, denial. Surely they rejected the incorrect submission? It has to be an oversight.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What can editors know? Who made you to decide on my labours? They’re foolish and your publication stinks. I deny your no.
• Fourth, anger at those who rejected me, then anger at myself. Why do I put myself through this? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, bargaining (preferably accompanied by false hope). What does it require you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Then, depression. I’m no good. Additionally, I’ll never be accomplished.

I experienced this over many years.

Great Company

Certainly, I was in fine company. Accounts of authors whose books was at first turned down are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every famous writer was first rejected. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then maybe I could, too. The basketball legend was dropped from his school team. Many US presidents over the last 60 years had been defeated in elections. The filmmaker says that his Rocky screenplay and attempt to star were rejected 1,500 times. For him, denial as someone blowing a bugle to motivate me and get going, rather than retreat,” he stated.

The Seventh Stage

Then, when I entered my 60s and 70s, I reached the last step of setback. Understanding. Today, I grasp the various causes why an editor says no. Firstly, an publisher may have already featured a similar piece, or be planning one underway, or simply be thinking about something along the same lines for someone else.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my submission is of limited interest. Or the evaluator feels I don’t have the experience or reputation to be suitable. Or isn’t in the business for the content I am submitting. Or was too distracted and scanned my piece hastily to recognize its value.

You can call it an epiphany. Everything can be declined, and for any reason, and there is virtually little you can do about it. Some rationales for rejection are always not up to you.

Your Responsibility

Additional reasons are your fault. Let’s face it, my ideas and work may from time to time be ill-conceived. They may be irrelevant and appeal, or the idea I am trying to express is not compelling enough. Or I’m being too similar. Maybe a part about my writing style, notably semicolons, was offensive.

The essence is that, in spite of all my long career and setbacks, I have succeeded in being widely published. I’ve written two books—my first when I was 51, another, a autobiography, at older—and over a thousand pieces. My writings have appeared in newspapers major and minor, in local, national and global platforms. My first op-ed was published in my twenties—and I have now written to many places for 50 years.

Yet, no major hits, no author events in bookshops, no appearances on talk shows, no speeches, no book awards, no Pulitzers, no international recognition, and no Presidential Medal. But I can better handle rejection at this stage, because my, admittedly modest accomplishments have softened the blows of my many rejections. I can afford to be philosophical about it all today.

Valuable Rejection

Setback can be instructive, but when you pay attention to what it’s trying to teach. Or else, you will almost certainly just keep taking rejection all wrong. What lessons have I learned?

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